If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
