I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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