The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
