i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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