dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
