I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
