Can i not drive my cunt home
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
