I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
