If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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