I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
