Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
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