I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
