everyone is single if you try hard enough
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
