dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
"it" just moved
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
