barbara walters just said penis...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
