Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
