not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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