i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
