Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The beer is more important than you right now.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
