I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
