Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
