I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
