You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
