I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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