That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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