Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I am one with the molecules
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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