You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
