I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
