I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
