There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
