he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
