she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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