i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
