I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you inspire me to be a worse person
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
