I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
