I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
