First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
