At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
