Sry I called you an 8
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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