i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
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