He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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