I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
