I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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