Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
