so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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