obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
