We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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