the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
