the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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