Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
