New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
