508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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