i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
