how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
