we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
do herpes really smell.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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