i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
