I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
