An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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