Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
