I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
