rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize