Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
