Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
