Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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