i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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