my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
