just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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