You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize