You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
