I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
