In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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