every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
