I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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