I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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