I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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