he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Two words: blizzard sex
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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