Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
