Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
soo... how was my night?
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