Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
