260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize