end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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