Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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