What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize