i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
