dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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