Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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