You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Operation Purity has been aborted
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
