Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
