Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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