THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
