so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
